Healing-Recovery-Moving On
Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
In Part 2 discussion regarding narcissists/sociopaths, I’ve been asked if there is a cure. From all I’ve researched, I would say no. However, as a Christian, I believe God can do anything and I believe there can be healing. But. A huge But here. The “healing” for these individuals is continuous and constant. Meaning, just like people with certain addictions have to continually be on guard; go to meetings, help sessions, etc., so will the folks with these disorders. As a Christian, they will have to do like Paul states in 1 Corinthians 15:31 (ESV), “I die every day”. They have to be willing to hear, listen & obey loved ones who state what they are doing/saying, etc is not okay. And be willing to correct their ways. Bottom line, they have to acknowledge there is a problem and be willing to allow God to help them on a constant basis. This, of course, is a lot to ask of these individuals. They don’t feel they even have a problem. They feel they are special and it’s the rest of the world with the problem. Therefore, with attitudes like this, no, there is no cure.
Now, moving on: Healing & Recovery….
There will be emotions of shock, anger, retaliation, depression, loneliness, healing, and then finally, moving on. All of these will take place, and not necessarily in the order listed. Please be aware, you won’t have these emotions once or twice, and then never have them again. You may go through shock, anger & depression for example, and think you’re better. You’ll feel the worst is over and you’ll feel great, never to return to that place again. However, depending on the individual, majority of individuals go back to those same feelings a few times, until they’re finally healed. One good indicator to know that you are healing, is when you visit those same emotions, you’re not in that same head space, for the same time duration. For example, if before, your feeling down lasted for days, it now might last for a day. And as you continue to heal, it will eventually be a few hours, to eventually nothing at all. But it all takes time. And everyone is different. So, don’t beat yourself up if you’re not healing like someone else. Don’t put pressure on yourself to heal faster, and push through the process. Trust me I’ve tried to do this several times, only to realize I cannot push through this process. Time IS the healer of this matter, and it will take the proper course. You must allow yourself to go through the process. Period. Key phrase here is, to go through. I have met people who have been divorced 20 plus years, who are still stuck in various stages, and they don’t even realize it. Having gone through this process however, I know they are stuck. I’ve tried to reach out and help those who seem stuck in various stages. However sometimes, it may require professional help, in order for them to come to grips and move on.
My prayers for those reading this blog is that they will get the help they need. They will move through these stages and come out of this ordeal healed and able to move on. I pray all will realize they are worth so much more to society, and God has much more in store for all of us. I pray that you will use the various gifts and talents He has blessed you with, to impact this world, for the better. I want to encourage all who have been or are going through the trauma of divorce, to not lose hope for a better tomorrow, a better future. It will come if you don’t give up. Even when times seem the darkest, you will find the sun again. Hold on to God’s words and have complete faith in Him that He will bring you through.
Some practical suggestions on how to get through the tuff times.
Pull together in one spot (physically or digitally) a collection of verses, quotes, photos & songs to go to when you feel down.
Become a part of a divorce care recovery group. Divorce Care is a really good Christian recovery group. See below link.
If you feel you need even more one on one time, another ministry some churches offer is Stephen Ministry.
And some may feel professional counseling is needed. Do not feel ashamed. Do what you have to do, in order to properly heal.
Prayer: DearGod, thank you for your continued healing and strengthening for us all, especially during those difficult times in our lives. When we can’t see our way clear, help us to have faith and trust in you, always.
~Angelique ~
Next week-new topic: Letting go of the old; embracing the new…