Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (ESV)
Recently I had a bout of loneliness hit me. In times past when I was dealing with the ending of a relationship, it took some time to understand this feeling, and to overcome. This time the “down feeling”, did not stay as long, and I was able to regain my normal composure.
From time to time I daresay everyone has felt this feeling in their lives. Whether you are young or old, single or even married; the feeling of loneliness at times has crept into all of our lives. When it happens to you or a loved one, here are a few things to consider.
If you are helping someone facing loneliness, seek to ask compassionate questions like, “how are you, really?”. Seek to be a compassionate listener as well. A listener who is truly caring and empathetic as this person pours out their troubles and cares to you. I like this quote by Monk Thich Nhat Hanh: “Compassionate listening is giving the other person permission, to empty their heart”.
For the one who is dealing with loneliness, here are some tips to help you when that feeling seems to overtake you…
Have on hand a Wellness/Happy Kit. This is a name gave to my kit. I have a digital one but for those who still like paper versions, that will be fine too. In my kit, I have bible verses, quotes on encouragement, favorite sermons, favorite Gospel/Christian music, photos of scenery, photos of family on past vacations, family pet photos, motivational videos that speak to what I am feeling, etc. Place in your kit what works for you. What you know brings a smile to your face, and joy to your heart. I would encourage, however, that your kit is Christ-centered. So, when those times come to you, you can go to your kit and begin to have God’s love through song, photos, spoken or written word, poured all over you. When this happens, the feelings of loneliness and abandonment will dissipate. You will begin to find your joy and companionship, even in the midst, of a difficult life storm.
When you are feeling stronger and back to your normal, begin the journey to look inward and what triggered the loneliness. Sometimes it could be a memory of times past, and that loved one is no longer with you. Look to cherish the fond memory and time that God allowed you to have. And know you can reach for your kit, whenever you need to.
There are others who feel loneliness after a partner or spouse walked away from the relationship. Some feel when they are alone and single again, they are half a person and not totally complete. What you have to remember, is that another human being can never complete you. We are all fallen and flawed human beings. Do not think when you meet someone, this person will be the one to fill all your needs and fill in the empty spaces in your life.
When you feel you have to be in a relationship because of societal pressures, family pressures, etc., you must realize there is work for you to do on yourself. Before you can even hope to be successful in a committed relationship, you have to be a whole complete person by yourself; comfortable being with just you. Get to know who you really are as a person. Your likes, dislikes, passions, your God-given gifts, and talents. Fall in love, in a healthy respect, with yourself. Also, learn to have in place the proper healthy boundaries, as you navigate life. Because as you look to forge a permanent relationship with another person, you don’t want to lose yourself or morph into whoever this other person wants you to be. You want to stand your ground and be who God created you to be.
Once it is settled in your mind and heart who you are, there may be lonely times here and there. But I daresay those times will be short, and not go to the depths of despair. Because you will know that you might be single, but you are never alone.
For those whose loneliness falls deeper into despair and depression, I encourage you to not stay there but to seek to get the help you need. There is no shame in reaching out to family, friends, church family, therapy groups, and even professional help.
I pray that in your quest to find completeness, you look to build a serious relationship with God through prayer and Bible study. Know in your heart and mind (even if you don’t feel it) that He will never leave you or forsake you. Please remember, He is always there right by your side, as you navigate this life.
Blessings,
Angélique~
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