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Matthew 14: 13-21 A friend shared with me this thought: “You don’t have to feed the five thousand. Just be willing to bring what you have!” Sometimes when we look to do what God has called us to do, some of us become paralyzed and do nothing. We look at the entire scope of what needs to be done, and we become overwhelmed. However, what we sometimes fail to realize, is that we can’t do it all. It is humanly impossible to think we alone, can do it all. And what’s important, God is not asking us to. God is not asking us to feed the five thousand necessarily; but He is asking us to be willing and obedient. He’s asking for each of us to bring what we have, and from this, our Heavenly Father will bless and multiply the outcome. Do you have just a loaf of bread and two fish? Bring them to the Master. And see what happens!!

I just read from my daily Bible calendar what Henri Nouwen once asked Mother Teresa for spiritual direction. Her answer to him is this: “Spend one hour of each day in adoration of our Lord and never do anything you know is wrong. Stated simply, but profound advice. We sometimes make it difficult to follow God and His ways. And at times it is difficult, walking in this sinful world and each of us having our own sinful lust and desires. But if we do what she recommends, spend one hour admiring and loving on God, and getting up from that time and not doing anything we know is wrong, we’ll be okay. We’ll be better than okay. We will be God’s positive force of light, in this dark world. Making a positive impact and difference. He calls all of us to be this way. Even if not an entire hour, but the time you have (or the time you intentionally set aside for God) can make the world of difference in navigating life. We all from time to time will have problems and challenges. But the time we consistently spend with our God will give us spiritual insight. We will develop the emotional, mental and at times physical strength, to push forward, despite any obstacles or setbacks. Have you spent your, intentional time, with God today?

Healing-Recovery-Moving On Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 In Part 2 discussion regarding narcissists/sociopaths, I’ve been asked if there is a cure. From all I’ve researched, I would say no. However, as a Christian, I believe God can do anything and I believe there can be healing. But. A huge But here. The “healing” for these individuals is continuous and constant. Meaning, just like people with certain addictions have to continually be on guard; go to meetings, help sessions, etc., so will the folks with these disorders. As a Christian, they will have to do like Paul states in 1 Corinthians 15:31 (ESV), “I die every day”. They have to be willing to hear, listen & obey loved ones who state what they are doing/saying, etc is not okay. And be willing to correct their ways. Bottom line, they have to acknowledge there is a problem and be willing to allow God to help them on a constant basis. This, of course, is a lot to ask of these individuals. They don’t feel they even have a problem. They feel they are special and it’s the rest of the world with the problem. Therefore, with attitudes like this, no, there is no cure. Now, moving on: Healing & Recovery…. There will be emotions of shock, anger, retaliation, depression, loneliness, healing, and then finally, moving on. All of these will take place, and not necessarily in the order listed. Please be aware, you won’t have these emotions once or twice, and then never have them again. You may go through shock, anger & depression for example, and think you’re better. You’ll feel the worst is over and you’ll feel great, never to return to that place again. However, depending on the individual, majority of individuals go back to those same feelings a few times, until they’re finally healed. One good indicator to know that you are healing, is when you visit those same emotions, you’re not in that same head space, for the same time duration. For example, if before, your feeling down lasted for days, it now might last for a day. And as you continue to heal, it will eventually be a few hours, to eventually nothing at all. But it all takes time. And everyone is different. So, don’t beat yourself up if you’re not healing like someone else. Don’t put pressure on yourself to heal faster, and push through the process. Trust me I’ve tried to do this several times, only to realize I cannot push through this process. Time IS the healer of this matter, and it will take the proper course. You must allow yourself to go through the process. Period. Key phrase here is, to go through. I have met people who have been divorced 20 plus years, who are still stuck in various stages, and they don’t even realize it. Having gone through this process however, I know they are stuck. I’ve tried to reach out and help those who seem stuck in various stages. However sometimes, it may require professional help, in order for them to come to grips and move on. My prayers for those reading this blog is that they will get the help they need. They will move through these stages and come out of this ordeal healed and able to move on. I pray all will realize they are worth so much more to society, and God has much more in store for all of us. I pray that you will use the various gifts and talents He has blessed you with, to impact this world, for the better. I want to encourage all who have been or are going through the trauma of divorce, to not lose hope for a better tomorrow, a better future. It will come if you don’t give up. Even when times seem the darkest, you will find the sun again. Hold on to God’s words and have complete faith in Him that He will bring you through. Some practical suggestions on how to get through the tuff times. Pull together in one spot (physically or digitally) a collection of verses, quotes, photos & songs to go to when you feel down. Become a part of a divorce care recovery group. Divorce Care is a really good Christian recovery group. See below link. If you feel you need even more one on one time, another ministry some churches offer is Stephen Ministry. And some may feel professional counseling is needed. Do not feel ashamed. Do what you have to do, in order to properly heal. Prayer: DearGod, thank you for your continued healing and strengthening for us all, especially during those difficult times in our lives. When we can’t see our way clear, help us to have faith and trust in you, always. ~Angelique ~ www.divorcecare.org www.stephenministries.org Next week-new topic: Letting go of the old; embracing the new…

Shock/Rage/Revenge/ Understanding The Lord is my strength and my song, comma and he has become my salvation; this is my God and I will praise him, my father’s God and I will exalt him… ESV-Exodus 15:2 This is part two, of a three-part series on divorce. I’ve shared my journey in part one and in part two, I will shed light on personality disorders that may have had a great impact on how your relationship ended. Especially if it was sudden and unexpected. In the final segment (part 3) we will mostly look at steps you can begin, which will hopefully put you on the road to recovery. I joined a divorce recovery group (Divorce Care-I’ll share more later) and met an individual there who shared a video with me on NPD, Narcissist Personality Disorder. Prior to this video (I’ve watched several since then), I always thought of narcissists as people with just really huge egos. But narcissistic personality disorder is much more serious than a person having a huge ego. When I saw this video and other subsequent videos, all the pieces were put into place. I found an explanation for the bizarre behavior that I had witnessed towards the end of my marriage. To be fair, I watched several videos from doctors, therapists & relationship experts regarding this disorder. Some of the videos mentioned five telltale signs of a narcissist and some had as many as 20-30 different signs. In all the videos however, if the person with this disorder has the majority of the signs mentioned, they do have the disorder. I will also note, the majority of the people in my divorce care group, all of their ex-spouses had the majority of the traits of this disorder. Prior to our divorces, most in the class really did not know of this disorder, as we all do now. We all had no clue we were in marriages with a partner, who had this disorder. This is one of the reasons why I’m taking time to highlight this disorder, as opposed to others. I will put links below for videos on narcissistic personality disorder, for you to do your own research. But at this stage, and moving forward, I am very well aware of the signs a person will exhibit, that has NPD. Hopefully, this will help all of us as we move on in life. When dealing with business associates, interacting with family members, as well as perhaps, your future life partner. I strongly encourage you to review these videos, as well as perhaps others, so you will be well-armed with knowledge, about this very grave disorder. Another disorder, that is a step up from the narcissist, is a sociopath. To note, some narcissists have sociopathic tendencies, but may not be a full-on sociopath. Sociopaths have all the narcissistic tendencies, but in taking it further, these individuals are consummate liars and are constantly role-playing depending on their audience. Meaning, in order to get individuals “on their side” they will play a character that will woo their various audiences. If they’re trying to impress someone of a certain demographic for instance, they take on various characteristics of that demographic in order to be one of them. They will easily slip into another demographic in order to be a part of that group. All of this is done, in an effort to gain relationships with these various individuals, that will be used or exploited in the future. The relationship will be cultivated only in the hopes of using it in the future, to help the narcissist obtain whatever it is they want to achieve; a totally self-driven objective. It will not be for the benefit of these various individuals. They will be nice and do various tasks or things for the individuals, in a mask of being helpful. And in a sense, they are being helpful. But trust, they will circle back and require something from these various individuals when they need it in the future. So, their desire to be helpful and kind, is always, always based on self. Just like Satan, sociopaths will mix truth with error in their lies, in order to boost themselves up, or affectively manipulate in their role-playing. For the narcissist, they do have some empathy, regarding what they’re doing and how they treat people. But for the sociopaths (which is one step before psychopaths), have very little. And the empathy they do have always points back to themselves. Their empathy is based on how it will impact what they want to get out of this person or a situation. Or they will show empathy in order to not be perceived as selfish, cold and calculating. Their putting on a show of empathy is another weapon of manipulation and role-playing. To note, one has to realize relationships with narcissists and sociopaths are very superficial. They will tell you they really care about/love you, but they never will have true depth. They will make you feel you are the world and you’re everything to them. They will love bomb you and make you feel no one else in the world, exists like you. That is part of their enduring charm and how they can lock individuals into relationships with them for a very long time. You will be willing to excuse some of their other behaviors, mannerisms and ferocious tempers (a point here, most narcissists have very violent tempers) because of their very effective love bombing techniques. When I say love bombing, it is not just romantic. It can also be used on friendships as well as family members. They have the ability of “pouring it on” to whomever their audience is, in order to secure you on their side. And they do this because they’re getting their narcissistic/sociopathic supply from you at that time. This supply can take on many forms. It could be praises for their various talents or abilities. It could be financial, emotional and/or physical. Whatever it is they are getting from you that lifts them up in some fashion, is their supply. Once that supply goes down or is no longer viable from you (in their minds), they will look to others to get their new supply. Once they secure a new source of supply, they will do what’s referred to as narcissistic discard. They will drop you and the relationship they had with you, very abruptly. They will usually have no empathy or caring as to how you feel, to what they’ve done. Not only the person in the relationship who is being discarded will see this lack of empathy, but others who are close to the situation will also see the coldness of their dealings in how they ended the relationship. Then they will revert back to their manipulative/lying characteristics, in order to gain sympathy from their current or new audience: family, friends, church members, neighbors, etc. They will use their abilities to make it seem like they had to do what they did, in order for them to feel better, etc. They will do it in such a way, their audience will believe them, and will believe what they did was right, good, or at least okay. All the while this audience of theirs has no idea of the depth of the hurt, pain, and damage they have caused. They have no idea of the emotional, financial, physical and perhaps even spiritual damage they have left in their wake. I would like to make a very important point here. All of us are on the narcissistic scale. Try to imagine one line with healthy narcissistic behavior on the far-left end. In the middle portion, are those who do not have the full-on disorder, but a little bit more than most with their narcissistic tendencies. And then on the far-right end of this imaginary line, you will have first narcissistic personality disorders, then sociopaths and then finally psychopaths. As for psychopaths that is another topic altogether. And I won’t be addressing this disorder in this article. But it will be safe to say if you see someone with psychopathic tendencies/behaviors, to keep your distance. These are extremely dangerous individuals. Narcissists or sociopaths are characterized as “life of the party” types (not everyone who is considered a “life of the party” type has the disorder, however) who are a lot of fun and exciting to be around. My caution, however, would be to not have an in-depth relationship with these people. Whether it be romantic or as a business partner involving finances, I would greatly caution going into any of those types of relationships with them. If you do, chances are high you will come out of that relationship with some sort of damage or loss. Again, I’m not saying to avoid these types of people. But in your dealings with them, keep it on a surface level. That way you can enjoy them and their contribution to the world, but you will not be harmed by their very damaging tendencies. I will mention another disorder that was shared in class. And that is someone who has a passive-aggressive personality disorder. I have not studied this disorder in as much detail, however, I have placed a link below that will get you started into looking into those with this disorder. I am not saying all divorces are the result of a disorder. But, quite a few of them do seem to have these disorders as a component in the marriage itself; and played a role into how the marriage ended. Especially if the ending was very abrupt, and without any caring for the individual that has been left. To note, for those divorces where there are no disorders present, the break-ups take on a more “healthy tone” sort to speak. Meaning the individuals involved show a great amount of love, compassion, and empathy for each other. It will be painful, but the pain is greatly lessened by the fact there is so much caring for each other as they go their separate ways. Each party will say sorry to each other and look to be there as much as they can, as they separate. There will be no evidence of cheating or blaming each other for any lack. They will make sure to pay or agree, to split any remaining debts. They will not look to leave one party responsible for handling all of the financial baggage, that came with the marriage. If children are present, they will work together for the benefit of their children. A divorce between two healthy caring adults is totally different, as opposed to those where one or both parties exhibit personality disorders. Prayer: Dear God, please be with those who have the disorders listed above. Be with their loved ones who are also a part of that dynamic. I pray for clarity and understanding for us all, as we move forward in this life. ~Angelique ~ Links: Next week: Divorce Part 3 -Conclusion of series…

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. ESV-Psalms 34:18-19 Divorce for most is a very, painful experience. I mentioned in my introduction that I will explain the painful time I have gone through recently; which happens to be divorce. My husband whom I was with for ten years and married to for nine, decided he no longer loves me as he once did, and he wanted a divorce. There are those that state divorce doesn’t just come out from anywhere. And they are right; but only to an extent. For me, hindsight is 20/20. There were little signs here and there that I saw, but at the time, I did not know it would lead to my husband abruptly leaving our marriage. At the time, these little blimps or signs in any marriage, would not constitute your marriage ending a year and a half from the point you noticed them. No one can predict this nor tell you to take the little “blimps” here and there in a marriage, as a serious sign something is very wrong. Especially if these signs are spaced out and one does not necessarily go with the other. But when I did notice a huge deviation in pattern and change, I knew something was wrong. I did what I could to try and save our marriage but unbeknownst at the time to me, he had plotted and planned with the other woman, his brother, and his close friends, to leave. He did this for the last year and a half of our marriage. All the while telling me he loved me and that he’s just going through the change. I would ask him to talk to me and what’s wrong, as I sensed strongly something was wrong. But he kept insisting we will be together forever and thanked me for walking with him through this journey at this stage in his life. He kept telling me that he will be back to his old self soon. Well, they say the wife is the last to know when the final ball drops. And in this case, it was true. So, when I did realize everything, I discovered my husband broke three of the ten commandments: Lying –Adultery — Stealing… There was countless evidence of conversations, texts, and photos with this other married woman. A woman his brother encouraged him to contact and call while he was supposedly working on our marriage. He would tell me she’s just a childhood friend and she’s married. He finally admitted she took a five-hour bus ride from her home to the city in his country (he was in the country at the time for just a few weeks to work) so they could meet up and “talk”. Leaving her husband and kids to go meet him. I said to him, you can “talk” on the phone. Then he just looks at me. Adultery. He took countless items to his home country with him when he went to visit and never brought them back home. Items that I am still making the payments on (they were in my name on the account) that he has never paid me for. Items he talked me into getting and insisted he needed. He kept stating not to worry, he’ll pick up other jobs and we’ll be able to pay off the lines of credit by the next year. Stealing For the last year and a half, he was supposed to be working on “us”. He kept telling me we will be together forever and that he loves me. He would state “you’re my precious wife”. He lied. Because to the people I mentioned above, he told them over a year ago that he stopped loving me and that he just felt friendship. Never once did he say this to me until the day he asked for a divorce. Lying For him, he had to pretend and go along with the charade for the last year and a half of our marriage, because he was not ready to walk. He wanted the equipment, he wanted to try and stockpile money, and get me to pay his living expenses while he was setting up to make his move. In which I was. I was the one who carried the financial load. And towards the end, he took full advantage of this. By the time I really figured it out, it was too late. He asked for a divorce and had no remorse or empathy. I share this painful testimony so that those out there who have gone through or are going through this trying time, can take some comfort. You are not alone. Divorce can be extremely painful and the healing from this can take some time. This is an introduction to this three-part divorce series. My prayer and hope is to share some steps one can take, in order to find their way back to wholeness. To heal from this and become the man or woman that God has called you to be. Prayer: “God, please provide comfort and healing for those suffering through the painful process of divorce. In their darkest hour, let them know you are near”. ~Angelique ~ Next Week: Divorce Part 2

I have never blogged or even thought about blogging. However, one day while in church, a strong inspiration came upon me and just the words “blog” came to mind. I didn’t know why that thought came upon me out of nowhere, to engage in something I’ve never done before. At the time however, I was going through a really difficult time, I will explain later in a future post. So, I shook it off and kept on going about life. Then again when I was driving to work, the inspiration came upon me to begin a blog. As I drove I thought about this a little and I spoke to God saying, “Okay Lord. But how do I blog and what am I going to blog about? My current pain and suffering?” Then God answered, yes. But not just about what you are currently going through, but many other topics that your fellow Christian Brothers & Sisters, around the world, are going through. You will discuss candid real situations, that My children are encountering in this 21st Century. Have discussions, testimonies, encouragements and, prayers. This blog will help touch their hearts and reach out to help them on their life’s journey.” I began to get excited by what God had revealed to me and couldn’t wait to get started. However, as usual, life gets in the way and I became sidetracked. I put aside what God wanted me to do, and began dealing with my private pain. Then a third time blogging was mentioned to me… I was talking to a friend who was consoling me and helping me cope. Out of nowhere, she says to me, “I know this may sound a little strange but right now, I just got a strong impression to tell you, that you should begin a blog. WHAT??!! I asked. Are you kidding me? She then asked why I was so shocked, so I told her of the two other incidents. She then said to me “God is speaking to you. Obey His voice!!” So my friends, here I am!!! One final note, this blog will be Christian based. Any postings and comments will be based on the Holy Christian Bible, and God’s Christian principles contained therein. May God’s Blessings be on you All!